


Breathe Me

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Probably ;), Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, a lot of the characters are dicks, at least at first, i just wanted to get all those so no one gets triggered by this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Donghyuck didnt have anyone else left.Everyone he ever cared about or had ever cared about him abandoned him.He really didnt have anyone else to live for.That is until Jung Jaehyun saved his life. More figuratively then literally. He came bursting into Donghyucks life and showed him a reason to live.[Set to breathe me by SIA. listen while reading if you want to cry™]
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 63
Kudos: 258
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i think im not alone when i say i have my problems and insecurities, and sometimes thoughts like these shown cross my mind. im mostly writing this fic as an outlit to get my own feelings out there in a healthy way (at least i hope healthy) I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it. I might change the rating down to mature but im not done yet so i am not sure. please comment or give kudos. this is unbetaed. thank you

Donghyuck walks aimlessly through the busy city. After everything that has happened over the last week you would think that he’d be sad (miserable is probably a better word) but truthfully, he had never felt so numb before. He reflects over the words the people he cares most about have said to him, and rather than feeling betrayed that these people he holds so dear to his heart think this way about him, he has to face the sad truth that he had always known but tried to ignore it.

The day started off like any other. It was the final Friday before Christmas break, and Mark and he were walking to school together. The two had been friends since they were in diapers and most people would describe their relationship as thick as thieves.

Mark knows everything there is to know about Donghyuck. He knows his like, his pet-peeves, his gpa, his weight, everything. He is the only person besides Donghyuck’s own brother, who is aware of Donghyuck’s abysmal home-life. He knows about how his father is a raging alcoholic who takes out his anger on his son, and that his mother is an apathetic workaholic who has been cheating on her husband for 3 years. Donghyuck’s brother, Doyoung, took his first opportunity to get out of that house leaving everything behind, including Donghyuck. He left Donghyuck in this toxic household where he is beaten more often then fed, without a single moment of doubt. 

Mark, like anyone, was horrified when he realized the true extent of Donghyuck’s troubles and often is the person who Donghyuck calls for comfort after his father has had a particularly violent night. That is until Mark begins dating Jaemin.

Don't get Donghyuck wrong. He  _ likes _ Jaemin. But, he can't help but dislike the relationship Mark and Jaemin share. For starters, Jaemin is not particularly fond of Donghyuck. When Jaemin first joined their friend group he seemed to mesh in really well. He and Jeno bonded over biking, he and Renjun bonded over shared music taste, and he and Mark… well… bonded over quickies in the bathroom in between classes. But, Jaemin never made an effort to get to know Donghyuck. Sometimes it felt like he was actively trying to keep Donghyuck out of their group conversations as a whole. Now some (Renjun) would suggest that Jaemin does in fact  _ like _ Donghyuck, and Donghyuck is just insecure and overreacting. Of course that would be the best case scenario. But, unfortunately later this day Donghyuck would have the displeasure of hearing Jaemin talk to Yukhei and his other jock friends about how Donghyuck was so weird and obsessed with Mark and that he wished Donghyuck wouldn't be around anymore. 

It would be great if Jaemin was just a jealous person and was seeing things that weren't there, but the saddest part was that he's right. Donghyuck has been in love with Mark for as long as he can remember. It's only natural to fall for the one person who is always there for you when you are most in need. But Mark was out of Donghyuck’s league. Mark, who was smart, attractive, friendly, funny, charismatic, among other things, deserves someone better than Donghyuck. Someone who's pretty, charming, funny… Someone who is Na Jaemin.

Although, Mark has not been  _ that _ person as of late. Mark was constantly canceling their plans or blowing Donghyuck off to hang out with Jaemin. So, now when Donghyucks dad came home with the intent of putting his cigarette out on Donghyuck’s back, he had to comfort himself. He had to clean his own wounds. And Donghyuck doesn't blame Mark, he really doesn't. But that doesn't mean he doesn't miss him, which he decides to bring up on this morning. 

“So what did you do last night?” Donghyuck asks Mark who is typing on his phone attentively.

“Umm Jaemin and I saw a movie with Renjun and Jeno” He answers not sparing Donghyuck a glance.

“Oh” this isn't the first time his friends have all hung out without inviting him, but it hurts as much as the first.

Mark finally clues in and notices Donghyuck disappointment, and reprises the role as comforting best friend for a quick second.

“Oh we missed you though. We only didn't invite you because it was a romantic movie and sort of like a double date sort of thing. Im sorry. Plus I didnt think your parents would let you out” that's true. But, it still would've been a nice gesture to reassure Donghyuck that he was still thought of. Donghyuck was used to being forgotten. It had been happening more often ever since Jeno and Renjun also started dating.

“It's fine” Donghyuck grumbles. This seems to be enough for Mark who goes back to typing on his phone.

“I had a bad night” Donghyuck mumbles.

“Oh… yeah?” Mark doesn’t look up from his phone.

“Yeah. My mom hasnt been home in four days, so my dad is taking it out on me”

“Hmmm” Still typing.

“Yeah… I called you. He burned me with a cigarette again and it was hard to treat by myself, because it was on my back”

“Mhmm” Donghyuck stops walking. Frustrated by how apathetic Mark is being. Mark notices Donghyuck’s abrupt stop and looks at him with an eyebrow raised.

“What's wrong?” He asks, seeming more annoyed than concerned. 

“Did you hear a word I said?” Mark sputters in reply.

“Seriously, Mark. I'm talking about something serious and you can’t even bother to look up from your phone” Donghyuck feels tears well up in his eyes, but refuses to let them fall. He's never stopped himself from crying in front of Mark before, but rather than apologetic or remorseful… Mark looks mad. 

“Donghyuck. I can't coddle you everytime something goes wrong. I have a life. I'm sorry you don't. But, you need to grow up. I have a boyfriend. Who seems convinced were closer than he's comfortable with. But here I am walking to school with you. You should be grateful, instead of snapping at the one person in your life who gives a damn about you. Because, god… you are a lot to deal with, and i'm not going to apologize for having better things to deal with then your shitty life” Halfway through Marks rant Donghyuck lets the tears fall. And he continues to stand there silently crying as Mark finishes before promptly turning around and heading to school leaving Donghyuck behind.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Hey Hyuck” Renjun doesnt look up from his book as Donghyuck takes the seat beside him in his final class before lunch. He skipped the first period in favour of sitting in an empty janitors closet crying, but if he skipped anymore his parents would be informed and the last thing he needed was punishment from them. 

“Hi” he says silently. Not sure if Mark told anyone about their fight this morning before assuming he probably didn't because it probably wasn't noteworthy enough to him. To Mark it wasn't anything.

The class goes on and the two boys don't share any more words as they quietly take notes and listen to the teacher. 

Once the bell rings the wordlessly packs up their stuff and exits the room.

“Rejun?” Donghyuck asks. The elder looks as if prompting the other to ask whatever he needs to ask.

“Umm Mark and I sort of had a fight this morning. And I don't think I can face him. So do you want to eat together in the library?” Renjun freezes before he looks at Donghyuck sheepishly.

“Yeah… I know about your… fight. Mark told the group chat -” 

Oh. A group chat that had all Donghyuck’s friends, but did not have Donghyuck. He can't say he's surprised. He is surprised that Mark told it though.

“-And I already promised I'd eat with them so sorry. But it's probably a good idea that you don't come, because Mark is still… upset” Renjun avoids eye contact with Donghyuck as they approach the cafeteria. 

“Oh… okay. I guess I'll just eat alone” They pause outside of the cafeteria entrance together.

“Come on, Hyuck. You must have friends besides us” Renjun tries to reassure Hyuck.

“No, Renjun. I really don't” Donghyuck says, far sharper than he intended clearly from Renjuns taken aback face that then becomes sour. 

“Okay well maybe you should take this opportunity to make some. Because honestly Donghyuck you can keep clinging to us like a child. It's getting sort of annoying, and I don't want to have to ditch my boyfriend and friends every time your feelings get hurt because of something that's not that big of a deal. So yeah eat alone. Maybe get used to it, because it's not that far fetched that whatever friends you do make will end up leaving you  _ too _ ” Renjun then enters the cafeteria slamming the door behind him. 

Renjun’s right. Donghyuck is a horrible friend. He is the common denominator. He's the one who drove his friends away. Not the other way around. But the one thing Renjun was wrong about was that Donghyuck has to get used to eating alone. He's very used to that.

Donghyuck goes to the library to eat. This time there's no tears.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Donghyuck gets to his final period class, gym, early and before the rest of his class. He always does so he can change without worrying about anyone seeing the bruises and scars littered around his body. 

He had just finished english literature. A class he shared with Jeno. When he arrived at the class Jeno wasn't at his normal seat where he usually sits beside Hyuck but instead on the other side of the room surrounded by people who talk animatedly with him. Jeno didn't even spare Donghyuck a glance as he sat at his desk the seat next to him not taken by him or anyone else. No one made a move to sit with the boy, even the person whose seat was stolen by Jeno opted to sit in the far back corner rather than beside Donghyuck. 

Now he was alone in the locker room, but not feeling any more or less isolated from his peers. After he finishes changing he just sits and relaxes dreading the class to come which would likely not be very friendly to his achy body. When he heard voices enter the room. 

The first voice he recognizes is that of Wong Yukhei. His boisterous laugh fills the room as soon as the doors enter. The second voice is Jaemin. There's a few other people with them, but none of which Donghyuck knows by name.

“Dude i noticed that the little weirdo who usually sits at your table wasn't there today. What happened? Did the little fucker finally blow his brains out?” one of the jocks Donghyuck is not very familiar with says and is met by laughter. Donghyuck sucks in a breath. Knowing they're talking about him and dreading they don't realize he's present. They settled on the other side of the room from him closer to the door that leads to the gym meaning they probably won't pass enough rows of the lockers to see the small boy sitting on the floor hugging his knees to his chest.

“Oh yeah… Mark finally dumped the kid. He was so annoying. But Mark had been friends with him for years. I didn't think I'd ever get rid of the kid. But Mark and the rest finally realized what a fucking weirdo he is” The rest of the guys laugh loudly at Jaemins rant. 

“I mean it though. Maybe I could look past it if it wasn't for the fact he's so obviously into Mark. And not even like a crush. LIke the guy is full blown in love obsessed with the guy. And i've told Mark this but he'd always brush it off. He wouldn't even deny it. And finally today he admits that he knew the whole time, and apologized for not dealing with it sooner” Donghyuck feels his heart shatter in his chest as the realization that Mark knows hits, along with the fact that he has officially lost all of his friends. For the second time today he feels the tears well up in his eyes. 

After this their conversation topic changes to something else, and Donghyuck lets his head fall down to his knees, willing for the group to leave the room. And for the first time that day he gets what he wants.

“I'll meet you guys out there. I have to use the washroom quickly” one of the unfamiliar voices sounds out. Donghyuck freezes in order to get to the locker room washrooms the guy will have to walk past the row of lockers Donghyuck’s hiding in. 

Before Donghyuck even gets the chance to think of how to hide, the guy spots him. Donghyuck recognizes his face, but cannot place a name to it. Donghyuck sniffles and prepares for more ridicule but this time to his face, but when met with silence he looks up to meet the man's eyes. He looks sympathetic. He just frowns before walking to the washroom. Ignoring Donghyuck’s existence, just like his friends. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once Donghyuck returns home he's pleased to see that his father is not home (probably at a bar) and less shockingly his mother also isn't home. 

Donghyuck goes up to his room before pulling out his laptop to work on his essay for english lit. But, he cannot focus. Somehow he ends up writing a letter.

He does not directly address it to anyone but halfway through writing it Donghyuck knows who it's about. Donghyuck walks up to his window to look across the street to see if the recipient is home. And surprisingly, Mark is home, his window is open so Donghyuck can see into his room. Unsurprisingly, he's with Jaemin, the two were dancing around the elders room and laughing together. It was cute. Normally this scene would make Donghyuck feel bitter or envious. But he feels nothing.

Donghyuck then goes back to his desk and finishes the rest of his letters before printing them out and sealing them in envelopes. 

Dear Mark,

Dear Mom,

Dear Dad,

Dear Renjun,

Dear Jeno,

And Dear Doyoung.

The last was the only person Donghyuck had not spoken to in a while, so in one final desperate attempt to find out if there was anyone at all who cared about Donghyuck he calls his older brother for the first time since the younger's birthday.

It rings for a moment before a voice answers. It doesn't sound like Doyoung.

“Hello?” 

“Umm… Hi, is Doyoung there?” 

“Who's asking?” the voice asks,

“Donghyuck. Doyoungs brother” Donghyuck hears a gasp come from the line.

“Uh I'm sorry. I didn't know Doyoung had a brother. I'll get him… DOYOUNG” Donghyuck can hear the person on the phone yell out. After that he just hears murmuring.

“Oh… he's… actually not… home right now. I can relay your message or have him call you later” How dumb does this guy think Donghyuck is? He heard him call into the apartment, or wherever they are.

“No… forget it. Tell him that mail came to the house for him. It has no addresses or anything on it just ‘Dear Doyoung’ so it must have been hand delivered. Tell him I'll leave it under the welcome mat so our parents don't touch it” Donghyuck does not waste anymore time before hanging up the phone and grabbing his letters and his backpack and leaving the house.

By this point it was dark out as it was approaching 11 at night. Donghyuck slid Doyoungs letter under the welcome mat like he said he would and left his parents' letters in the mailbox. Donghyuck then heads across the street. And instead of leaving Mark's letter in the mailbox. He climbs up their tree like he has many times and slides the letter into Mark's open window, so he can take one final glance at someone who was once the most important person in his life and his reason for living. 

After that Donghyuck heads to Jenos home which is a few blocks towards downtown and leaves the letter in his home's mailbox, and then to Renjuns apartment that was in the main part of the city. Leaving it in Renjuns apartment mailbox and smiling at the doorman before exiting. No particular destination in mind.

And that's how he got here. Walking aimlessly through the city feeling numb, but also at peace, because while he doesnt know where he's heading he knows what he's about to do, and it's the first thing that brings him peace in a long time.

Donghyuck soon finds himself at a bridge overlooking a large freeway. He drops his bag to the floor and looks out. He would like to jump off a bridge into water but there were not tall enough bridges above water around that would guarantee death, so he'd have to settle for this less pretty way.

After looking at the oncoming traffic for a while Donghyuck finally feels ready. He lifts one leg and swings it over the railing quite easily (a little too easily for a pedestrian bridge of this height above an overpass) and the other legs follow. He stands on the edge and patiently waits for an opening. He wanted to die, not kill/hurt anyone so he'd have to wait until a break in the cars. He wishes he has another note on his person apologizing to anyone who has to experience his corpse. But, there's no delaying this. Donghyuck can't bear to live another day.

Finally, after 20 minutes of waiting on the edge there's a break in cars long enough the Donghyuck can be confident he won't hurt anyone, so he preps. He says a final prayer. Before letting go.

  
  
  


The moment Donghyuck lets go a pair of arms wrap around his chest pulling the boy back over the railing demonstrating serious strength. Once Donghyuck realizes what's happening he begins screaming and writhing to get the stranger to let him go before breaking down. 

The stranger tugs him away from the ledge and off the bridge before hugging the sobbing boy and petting his head whispering smooth affirmations in his ear.

“You're going to be okay”

The pair sit there for a while before Donghyuck finally calms down. Or at least to look at the person holding him. 

He had no recognition of the stranger, but his first thought is that this man is extremely handsome, and looks wildly concerned. They sit there looking into each other's eyes. The stranger still hasn't let go of Donghyuck.

“How are you?” Donghyuck chokes out.

“I’m Jaehyun” The man- Jaehyun answers. 

“Why'd you stop me?” it's probably pretty obvious but Donghyuck still cant help but ask. Jaehyuns arms around the trembling boy tighten. 

“I couldn't let you jump. What kind of person would I be if I let you jump?” Jaehyun's eyes are wide. Donghyuck scoffs.

“You're not a much better person for making me live” Jaehyun looks confused.

“I get it. I get why you did it, but don't try to convince me it's not self-serving. If you had let me die, then you'd have to spend the rest of your life guilty for letting someone die, but since you saved me you get to be proud of yourself for saving someone's life and I have to go back to suffering. What you didn't wasn't for me. It was for you. So don't try to pretend that was you saving me” Donghyuck scoffs again at Jaehyun silence and goes to shrug his arms off of him, but Jaehyun doesn't budge. 

“You're right,” Jaehyun speaks.

“What?” Hyuck questions.

“Whether I pulled you off that bridge or not. I didn’t help you. Just because you didn't die doesn't mean you don't want to anymore. All I've done is delay it” Donghyuck just nods. He was not expecting this.

“So, the only way I can really help you is to change your mind” 

“What?” Donghyuck asks again. This time more incredulously.

“Come on man. What do you lose? Let me show you life is worth living” Donghyuck just gapes at this  _ crazy _ man. 

“What if you're like some weirdo serial killer?” 

“Would that really be that much of a problem for you?” He chuckles. 

“Okay… what if you're some sort of pervert that takes suicidal teens off the streets and takes them to some kind of-”

“Okay, I'm definitely not one of those. I promise you're the first suicidal teen I've made this offer too… scouts honor” He finally removes his arms from around Donghyuck’s waist to instead cross his heart.

“What exactly is your offer? What does proving ‘life is worth living’ entail?” Jaehyun grins. Clearly taking the fact that Donghyuck hasn't outrightly refused as partial acceptance.

“Well. My roommate went back to China for the holidays so I have an empty room and no company for the holidays. I assume you're in school but have the next two weeks off” Donghyuck nods slowly.

“Well then let's have christmas together. We can have fun and I can prove to you that things can always become good after the bad” At this point Jaehyun is grinning widely showing off his attractive dimples.

“I've never really celebrated christmas” Donghyuck blushes (Both out of embarrassment of his horrible family not celebrating birthdays let alone christmas but also because Jaehyun is so hot). Honestly, christmas isn't a huge thing in Korea so it's not that uncommon for families to not celebrate here, but it is more popular than in other eastern asian countries like Japan or China. Mark's family always celebrated christmas. They would have Donghyuck come over on Christmas eve. Donghyuck wouldn't spend Christmas with them because he didn't want to intrude. Especially without gifts.

“I lived in america for like four years. Trust me I can give you the best Christmas ever. Please, please, please” Jaehyun had moved to be on his knees pleading while holding one of Donghyuck’s hands.

“Just know… i'm only saying yes because your hot” Donghyuck deadpans. But blushing when Jaehyun smiles and hugs him.

“Okay would you rather stay at your home and come over during the day, or stay at my place… OR! OR! Oh oh. Or you could rotate because some nights it could be like a sleepover. We could watch movies all night and pig out” Donghyuck smiled tenderly unused to someone seeming this excited to be around Donghyuck, but the joy in him sours at the mention of his home. Jaehyun notices that his excitement disappears and is replaced by concern.

“You don't have to spend any nights at my place if you don't want to. You can just stay at your home. Or we could even hang out there if you're more comfortable” Jaehyun tries to meet Donghyuck’s eyes to find out what he said wrong.

“I don't want to go home… Ever…” Donghyuck mumbles, still not meeting Jaehyun's eyes whose eyes soften at hearing the young boy's words.

“Okay… if you're comfortable you can spend the next two weeks with me. After that… we can figure out when we get there. But, I do think you should tell your parents because you don't want people thinking I napped you or anything” Jaehyun rubs his back.

“Im eighteen so…” Jaehyun smiles brightly at this.

(I know it doesn't make sense for Donghyuck to be 18 in December of his senior year but for the sake of this and also the relationship not being weird and gross, he's 18. This also means Mark+Yukhei are the same age. Okay cool thanks)

“Perfect. Well let's head over to my place… sorry you still havent told me your name?” Jaehyun stands up holding his hand to help Donghyuck up, smiling down at the boy nicely.

“Im Do- Haechan. Call me Haechan” Haechan was a nickname Doyoung gave the younger when things in their household were not so toxic. Back then Donghyuck used to be bright and lively, so many compared him to the sun. Donghyuck didn't want to spend the next two weeks as Donghyuck the loner weirdo who only hangs around Mark, he wanted to be a better, more happy version of himself. He wanted to be Haechan.

“Okay, Haechan. Let's go home”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo
> 
> this took a really long time and went in a different direction then i expected. so ive changed this to a three part thing. So that i can post today as promised. The next and final chapter will be mostly jaehyuck as this part didnt end up featuring a ton of jaehyuck. Im not going to promise itll be up tomorrow. But itll probbaly be shorter than part 1 and 2 so hopefully not too long.
> 
> I really appreciate all of the kudos and comments on part 1. i reply to all comments so please interact with me 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. This (and part 1 tbh) is unedited

Saturday December 21st

6:45 AM

_ Dear Mom, _

_ Hi it's Donghyuck writing this… you know, your son. I’ll be shocked if you do end up reading this. Because, I left it at home, somewhere you never are. _

_ I don't have much to say to you but I feel as if I should leave you a note out of courtesy because you did give birth to me. As of writing this I intend to undo that. You brought life into this world so that I can take it out. Of course if you had been a caring mother and dad had been a caring father maybe I could have been happy and it wouldn't have come to this. Of all the notes i'm leaving this one is definitely the most bitter. Because I am bitter. I'm bitter that I couldn't have a happy childhood and adolescence because you cared more about screwing your boss more than your own son. _

_ Anyways. I don’t have much to say to you, but in case you didnt get the jist of the letter I am going to kill myself. _

_ I hope my funeral isn't too bothersome for you, _

_ Donghyuck (your younger son incase you forgot) _

  
  


_ Dear Dad, _

_ Hey, it's Donghyuck. The person that you use as a personal punching bag whenever you remember that your life sucks and it's all your fault. _

_ If mom was a shit parent then that makes you the creme de la creme of terrible parents. You ruined my life. You made me feel worthless. _

_ And maybe I am. _

_ I hope you burn in hell, _

_ Donghyuck _

_ (p.s i'm probably dead by now so i suggest purchasing a punching bag) _

  
  


“Dongcheol” Hyekyung, Donghyuck’s mother, hollered into the empty house.

“Donghyuck” When the woman got no response from either she stomped up the stairs. Dongcheol, her husband and Donghyuck’s father, passed out on their shared bed surrounded by a large wet mark probably from sweat. 

Hyekyung rolled her eyes before walking over to her son's room. He wasn't one to ignore her so she was pissed. But she was even more angry when she opened the door to an empty room. It was 7 am on a saturday and there was no reason for him to be out. She paced over to the bathroom before filling a cup of water up and walking back to her room to throw it on her husband. He shot up yelling profanities but Hyekyung just rolled her eyes and went back downstairs. She went outside to get the newspaper and check the mail, something she failed to do when she first arrived home 20 minutes ago. She found only two letters in the mailbox. One labeled ‘dad’ and the other labeled ‘mom’.

She rolled her eyes but brought them in the house. She throw Dongcheols letter on the couch where he would soon sit to watch MMA and drink soju (yes at 7 AM) and ripped open the letter to read it.

First reading the letter she was angry. Angry wasn't even a strong enough word to describe how the letter made her feel. The entire point of the letter going over her head as she boils at the disrespect her own son would write to her. That is until she got to the bottom of the letter. As the word register in her mind it feels like a gallon of ice water has been poured over her. She quickly drops her letter and races over to the other reading over that one. It was even shorter and more straightforward. 

She was so immersed into the letter she didn't even notice her husband enter the room or the tears streaming down her face. 

“What's got you all worked up?” he asks as he burbs and sits down on the couch a bottle of soju in hand. 

“Read this” she shoves his letter into his face.

“Too many words no thanks” he grumbles.

“Dongcheol. This is a suicide note. Donghyuck left a suicide note” Dongcheol paused for a moment before he turned to meet his wife eyes looking cold. And then he shrugs.

“One less mouth to feed i guess” And then he took a swig of his soju and turned his attention back to the television. 

Hyekyung was frozen in her spot as angry pools in her body. But, even more so fear.

“What's his phone number?” she asks, walking across the room to her purse to get her cellphone.

“Wow you dont know your own son's phone number. You're a pretty shitty mom” Hyekyung is moments away from beating his face in but scrolls through her contact before she finds the one shes looking for. She clicks call but the call drops immediately. His phone must be off.

She stands for a moment frozen unsure of what to do. Before grabbing her car keys and running out of the house and driving in the direction of the police station. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

7:00 AM

“Haechan. How long have you been awake for?” Donghyuck turned his attention to the right where Jaehyun was walking, rubbing sleep out of his eye. It was early but Donghyuck hadn't slept much that night and was up pretty much as soon as the sun came up. He had decided to just sit at Jaehyun window cill and appreciate the view of the city.

Hed also realize that he had left a lot of people suicide notes. He knows he should probably call them and let them know he's okay, but he just can't bring himself to face all the people that drove him to his decision. He's not sure how he would handle it if they said they wish he'd follow through or were glad when they got his letter. Donghyuck is trying to be happy and enjoy his time with Jaehyun. So, he is going to ignore the people of his previous life for as long as possible before it's time to return.

“A while” Donghyuck answers Jaehyun's initial question vaguely.

“You could've gotten me up. Or made yourself something to eat or turned on the tv or something” He says joining Donghyuck.

“It's fine. I wasn't that hungry. And I enjoyed the alone time” Jaehyun nodded watching as the boy looked out the window. Jaehyun hadn't noticed that night just how pretty the boy was. He had the golden skin with light brown hair where the highlights were showing about an inch of dark root. He had big wonder filled eyes, a button nose, and heart shaped lips. He's beautiful. And he looked so small bundled up in Jaehyun's clothes that he had lent him. 

“Are you hungry now. We can go out for breakfast” Jaehyun suggests.

“I'd rather eat here if possible” The boy said in a small voice.

“I don't have a ton of good food but I can get something delivered,” Jaehyun said ignoring the boy's protest and grabbing his phone to order something to eat.

“Later today we can go grocery shopping. It's not christmas unless we have good home cooked meals. Starting later. For breakfast we were going to dine like kings. How does mcdonalds sound?” Jaehyun couldn't help but grin as the smaller giggled and agreed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

7:05 AM

_ Dear Mark, _

_ Hi. I don't know what to say. I’m not happy and I'm sorry I brought that into your life. Mark you are the greatest person i have ever met, and you didn't deserve to have me in your life like a leech draining all the life from you. I appreciate all you've done for me and I apologize for taking you for granted.  _

_ But it's okay. I'll be out of your hair for now on. You never have to worry about me again. I'm going to take my own life this evening, Mark. I don't want you to feel any guilt about it though. That's the main reason I'm writing this letter. You were pretty much the only person I was living for and I now see that it was too much for you to deal with. And for that I am so sorry. _

_ This afternoon I overheard Jaemin discussing me with some of his friends. And it seems like the one thing in my life that I kept from you, you knew anyways, but I am going to take this opportunity to say it for myself. I am in love with you Mark Lee. We both know you deserve better than me and that's okay. I support your relationship with Jaemin. I'm sorry if this ever made you uncomfortable. I never expected you to love me back, and it's okay you didn't.  _

_ I hope you can live a long happy and healthy life without me bringing it down anymore. I wish you the best. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me. I understand if you hate me, but i still love you. And I will always love you. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Donghyuck <3  _

_ P.s. i didn't leave a note for Jaemin but if you want to show him this last part i have one thing to say: Hi Jaemin, Mark is the best person i've ever known please take care of him and make sure he doesn't feel guilty about this. I'm sorry if i ever stepped on your toes, but if you hurt Mark I'll haunt you (I can use morbid humour, I'm dead) bye.  _

  
  


“God why do you sleep with your window open. It's winter. It's always so cold in the morning?” Jaemin complained before snuggling closer to Mark who just laughed and got up to close it.

As Mark approached his window he noticed that Donghyuck’s mom was home by her car in the driveway. 

“What's taking you so long? Close the window and come back to bed” Jaemin whined.

“Yeah… just a second. It's just Donghyucks mom is home” this causes Jaemin to sit up and pout.

“So?” 

“Oh… it's just Donghyuck doesn't have a great home life. I should text him and make sure he's okay” Mark frowns trying to look into Donghyuck’s window. His blinds were shut. They're almost never shut. 

“Why would you do that? You’re not friends anymore. Right?” Once Jaemin says that Mark feels a surge of guilt. He and Donghyuck had been together for so long. No one else knows about Donghyuck’s family. He doesn't have anyone else to go to. But Jaemin feels uncomfortable with their relationship. There must be some way to look after Donghyuck but keep Jaemin happy.

“It doesn't work like that… I'm going to distance myself from him, but he's like-” a brother? That doesn't feel like the right word.

“He's like family” this response does not seem to please Jaemin.

“But yesterday you said-”

“Wait shut up for a moment”

“Excuse me”

“Jaemin, stop talking”

Mark already felt like something was wrong but the sight of Donghyucks mom running out of the house and into her car did not look good. 

“Mark. What’s your fucking problem?” Jaemin was now out of bed and instead looking at Mark outraged.

“Somethings wrong,” Mark mumbles before grabbing his phone to call Donghyuck.

“Yeah your fucking attitude is wrong” Jaemin follows Mark

“What are you doing- oh… you're calling Donghyuck. God what's the deal with this kid. He's like obsessed with you, but maybe you're obsessed with him too...” Jaemin was ranting, but Mark ignored him hoping to hear Donghyucks voice. 

He is met with only one ring before the voicemail starts. Donghyuck never had his phone off on weekends. Mark paced back up the window. Nothing had changed. Donghyucks mom was gone again, Donghyuck’s blinds were drawn. It looked like everything was fine. But everything was not fine. Mark could just tell. And then he noticed an envelope on the floor besides his window with ‘Mark’ in pretty cursive on the front. Mark feels his blood run cold. 

Mark picks up the letter, and opens it. Still ignoring Jaemin who is still rambling about how Mark is acting unacceptable right now. But his heart stops as he reads over the words.

“..and that is not fucking cool, Mark. So honestly I'm making you choose Donghyuck or me… Wait, are you crying? What are you reading?” Mark doesn't answer, he just stares at the letter rereading the words over and over again. He didn't even notice he started crying but as soon as Jaemin mentions it an ugly sob leaves his mouth shocking Jaemin into silence.

Mark collapses to the floor sobbing when Jaemin pulls the paper from his hand. Mark barely notices as he peels over and tries to breathe.

Jaemin reads the letter. And then he rereads it. And reads it again. He only stops as he feels bile backing up his throat. He throws himself over Marks trash can as he empties his stomach contents into it. He dry heaves over the trash can for a few moments when he finally stops he looks over to Mark who has finally stopped crying.

“I choose Donghyuck,” he whispers. Jaemin feels no pain from his words, but he still replies with the following.

“It's too late, Mark”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

10:00 AM

“Okay so let's divide and conquer. You head to the confectionery aisle. And get whatever you want. Do not come back with less than $30 worth of sweets, i'll be in the refrigerated aisle. Okay? Go” Donghyuck giggled as he walked to the aisle full of sweets and picked out a variety of different chocolates, candies, and potato chips.

When he finally decided he picked an amount of food Jaehyun would be satisfied with he walked to the refrigerated aisle and sneaked up on and scared the elder causing Jaehyun to drop a large jug or milk.

“Oh my god you scared me” Donghyuck laughed louder.

“Okay i just need some cereal then we can head out okay?” Jaehyun suggested pushing the cart.

“Mhm. Is what I picked out okay?” Donghyuck asked, holding up the basket.

“It's perfect” 

After picking out some cereal they waited in line.

“Hi Jaehyun, who's this with you?” the cashier (who was unreal pretty) asked when it was their turn.

“Hi Joohyun-noona! This is Haechan” The pretty cashier smiled at Donghyuck who smiled politely back.

“Do you work Saturday, because I heard that coupons go out today so it'll be busy” Joohyun directs her question to Jaehyun.

“No. I have the holidays off. I was supposed to go home” Jaehyun supplies her with an answer.

“Lucky… That'll be $91.27” Jaehyun taps his card before handing Donghyuck the (lighter) bags and bidding Joohyun goodbye.

“You work here” Donghyuck asks when they're out of earshot.

“Yeah. I'm studying business at SMU but I work here part-time” Donghyuck frowned. Students are notoriously broke and this establishment does not look like it would pay its employees particularly well. 

“Are you sure you can afford for me to just stay at your place rent-free and then feed me on top of it?”

“Oh yeah. I don't have any financial problems. My parents pay my rent” Jaehyun didn't say anything wrong but hearing about parents financially supporting their son into his 20s upsets DOnghyuck. Donghyuck’s parents are going to throw him out 10 minutes after he graduates. Jaehyun seems to notice his decrease in mood.

“Sorry. Parents are probably a sensitive topic” Jaehyun sheepishly apologizes.

“It's okay. With everything you're doing for me you deserve to know” 

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. You don't owe me anything?” Donghyuck looked down the street towards their destination. He'd only spent one night there but it felt more like home then his parents house ever did.

“I want to tell you… I have an older brother who's 4 years older than me. After i was born my mom experienced pretty bad postpartum depression. My father wasn't very supportive of her and she grew really resentful of him. Things were never great. But we at least seemed like a normal family. But, the moment my brother graduated he left the house and he left me. My mom felt like there weren't any responsibilities tying her home so she started spending less and less time at home. At this point she probably home one weekend a month. My dad started drinking to deal with my mom. Eventually it became bad enough that he was violent. And yeah… i'm sure you can guess the rest” By the time Donghyuck was finished they were in the elevator riding up to Jaehyun's floor.

“Haechan… I'm sorry you had to go through that. No one should ever have to go through that” Donghyuck nodded and accepted Jaehyun's side hug, not wanting to discuss the topic anymore.

Donghyuck helped Jaehyun put the groceries away and only then did he notice a sweet treat that he hadn't picked out. 

“What’s this?” Jaehyun's eyes light up as he sees what Donghyuck is asking about. 

“We are going to build a gingerbread house”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

10:15 AM

_ Dear Jeno, _

_ Hey Jen. I didn't get to talk to you today, but I'm certain if I had you would've been on Mark and Renjun’s side. Which is understandable. I am a lot to deal with and I'm sorry you all had to put up with me for so long.  _

_ In this letter I just want to stress how much I appreciated your friendship over the years. I suppose I took more than I gave and that's why it came to such a bitter end. I'm sorry I should've been a better friend to you. _

_ I hope my death is not too hard for you. Trust me when I say it's for the best. I hope that that is good news to you, that you won't have to worry about me anymore, but if it does upset you I'm sorry.  _

_ I know I'm saying that my worst flaw as a friend was that I was always taking from you guys but I am going to ask for one more thing from you. Take care of Renjun. I hope that my death isn't too hard on Renjun, but if i know Renjun it will be. You guys will soon realize that i was more of a burden then anything else and that this is for the best.  _

_ Take care Jeno, _

_ Donghyuck _

“Jeno...” Jeno groans as he hears his mother's voice waking him up.

“Come on Jeno. It's after 10 am and you're still sleeping? Mrs. Lee, Donghyuck’s mother is on the phone. She wants to ask you a question. Get up, she seems really concerned”

Jeno gets up and stumbles out of his room to where Jenos mom was on the phone.

“I don't remember the last time i saw him. I'm sorry Hyekyung. Here's Jeno” Jenos mother shoves the phone in his face, but instead of the annoyed expression she had when she woke him up now it was more worried.

“Hello… Mrs.Lee?”

“Hi, Jeno. I know its been a while since we talked but… Donghyuck left a concerning letter for me and Mark and I just wanted to know if you had gotten one or had heard from him in the last 12-ish hours or so” a while is an understatement Jeno hasn't spoken to the women since their middle school graduation. She seems very emotional though, almost like she's on the verge of tears.

“Oh no. I haven't seen or talked to Hyuck since yesterday at school…-”

Talking about school yesterday Jeno feels guilty when he remembers the sad and exhausted look Donghyuck had given him in their only class together. The one where Jeno avoided and ignored him.

“... and i haven't got a letter-”

“Oh letter? This was left in the mailbox for you Jeno” Jenos mom was listening to his side of the conversation and started waving a letter before handing it to Jeno.

“Oh I do have a letter. It says ‘Jeno’ on an envelope-”

“-Yeah that's it okay thank you so much Jeno. Let me know if you hear from him” She rushed out even more emotionally before hanging up abruptly. 

Jeno pulled the phone away from his ear and handed it to his mother who looked worried.

“So you haven't heard from Donghyuck?” His mother asks.

“Just this…” he said holding the letter before opening it. 

I cant imagine the way someone would feel when reading a suicide note from someone they care about is describable by words.

Jeno never thought he'd go through this feeling. He zones out into thought of every way he has been horrible to Donghyuck. Even before yesterday. The day before their whole friend group hung out without him. The exiled him from lunch. He and his friends were basically murderers. Or at least that's how it felt in that moment.

Jeno is brought back to earth by his mother's gasp. She read the note over his shoulder and was holding her hand over her mouth. Jeno stood motionless until she pulled him into a tight hug. 

The way he feels is not something you can describe in words.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

1:15 PM

“Hyung stop...” Donghyuck whined, whipping frosting off his nose for the 10th time since they started.

The gingerbread house was not looking great. Not long after they started putting little candies on it to decorate it the whole thing collapsed in on itself. Now it was rebuilt with twice as much frosting and half as much caution and they were currently putting on the final touches.

“I can't help it. Your nose is just so cute” Jaehyun laughed, poking Donghyucks nose, this time with no frosting. Donghyuck just grumbled in response.

“It looks done” Donghyuck says, looking at the masterpiece laying on Jaehyun's kitchen counter.

“Yeah…” Jaehyun smiled softly.

“So… now what? Do we eat it?” It seems a little arbitrary to build something only to eat it moments after it's finished.

“Close. We take a picture of it for the gram. Then we eat it” Jaehyun takes out his phone. 

Donghyuck hasn't checked his phone since before… it’s been a while. He glanced over to his bag which had his phone in it, but made no move to retrieve it. He wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared to see what sort of messages, if any, would greet him as he turned on his phone. 

“We should wait to eat it till after dinner. We can watch a bunch of christmas movies” Jaehyun breaks Donghyuck out of his trance.

“Yeah… okay. Can I have a shower?” Donghyuck questions the older, recalling he hadn't done that in almost two days.

“Yeah go for it. There should be a clean towel in there. I’m going to start preparing lunch. Stew sound good?” Donghyuck nodded before heading to the bathroom leaving Jaehyun alone to start chopping up the veggies he would be putting in his stew.

Deciding that cooking in silence was never really his thing Jaehyun turns on the news channel before returning back to the island to keep chopping.

He doesn't really listen as the news anchors drone on about a car crash that occurred in the morning but his attention is caught moments later.

“Eighteen year old teenager Lee Donghyuck was reported missing from his home at approximately 7 am this morning. He reportedly left notes for his family before leaving suggesting he was going to commit suicide. However, no bodies have been found, so we're hoping the young boy is still alive. We are now going to move over to Laura who is with the boys mother who would like to say a few words. Take it away, Laura” to camera then moves to two middle aged women standing in front of the camera. One holding a microphone the other looking like an emotional mess.

“Hello I am here with Lee Hyekyung, the mother of Lee Donghyuck. She says that her son was last seen Friday afternoon at school, but must have come home to write and leave letters. She would like to say a few words” The newscaster the hands the microphone to the clearly distraught women. 

“Umm. Hi, I'm Lee Hyekyung. If you've seen my son. Please call the police. I need to know if he's okay. And… Donghyuck if you're seeing this by some miracle… please come home. I know I haven't been a great mother to you, but please give me an opportunity to change that… I just… Im sorry. Please come home. I love you” The woman then breaks down so the camera shifts several paces to the left for the newscaster to end the segment. Jaehyun doesn't notice what happens next because he's so in shock.

Jaehyun isn't sure how long it is before Haechan exits the bathroom, dressed in Jaehyun's oversized clothes and a towel on his head. But the segment is long over by this point and the vegetables had been abandoned.

“Is everything okay, Hyung?” The younger asks standing in front of the elder. 

“Are you… Are you Lee Donghyuck?” The younger's eyes go wide at this. They had shown a picture of the boy on the news and it looked just like the one in front of him but he still needed confirmation.

“Yes… Did you know?” Donghyuck shifts awkwardly.

“Your mom… was on the news. She… she said she loves you and wants you to come home”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

1:45 PM

_ Dear Renjun, _

_ This is Donghyuck. _

_ Renjun, aside from Mark you were always the person I trusted the most. You were my best friend and always there for me whenever I needed comfort about Mark and Jaemins relationship. I now understand that this must have been really annoying for you. _

_ I'm sorry for being such a bad friend. I'm sorry for wasting all your time that you could have spent happy and with Jeno. I was selfish.  _

_ To be completely honest, I don't think me being gone will affect any of your lives very drastically, but I know you are a very emotional person, and it's safe to assume that if you cry over character deaths in your books you’ll be upset at my death. _

_ I don't want this for you, but I know it's probably unavoidable. But, Renjun, please don’t feel responsible or sad. This is for the best. Your life will be better without me in it. Everyone's lives will be better without me. I dont have anyone worth living for anymore, but you do. So continue to live a great and beautiful life.  _

_ Jeno better take care of you. You deserve it. _

_ Bye Renjun, _

_ Donghyuck _

“Hey Dad,” Renjun said to his father, walking past her to the fridge to get some food.

“Good afternoon, kid… what have you been up to today?” Renjuns dad worked nights so often slept well into the afternoon.

“Just reading. I tried calling Jeno but he hasn't picked up. Probably still asleep” Renjun muses with a fond smile and a roll of the eyes.

“Oh yeah. By the way this was in the mail for you” Renjun took an envelope labelled ‘Renjun’ in cursive.

“There's no address or stamp on it. Must've been hand delivered. Probably one of your friends. Maybe a romantic gesture from a certain Lee Jeno” Renjun cringed at his father, but still felt excitement bubble up in him at the suggestion that this could be from his boyfriend.

But that's not what it was. At first he furrowed his eyebrows. Renjun went to bed that previous night with the intent of apologizing to Donghyuck. While he stands by his opinion that Donghyuck should make more friends, he also thinks he was far too harsh.

But he had no idea.

Once the content of the letter registered in his mind Renjun felt all the words he had spat at Donghyuck piling in his mind. He had no idea they would hurt the younger so much. He had no idea that the younger had such a low perception of himself. But he should have. He was selfish. He prioritized his petty needs over those of someone in desperate need of a friend.

This was Renjuns fault.

He drops the letter and doesn't notice the confused look on his father's face. It's like the world stopped on his axis. 

Another human being was dead. And Renjun is partly at fault. And it wasn't just any person. It was Lee Donghyuck. Donghyuck would hold Renjun whenever Jeno and him got into a fight. Donghyuck who would leave his house in the middle of the night to walk Renjun home from Jeno’s. Donghyuck who put so much love into the world and never got any of it back. 

That's the last thought in Renjuns mind before his world goes black the last thing he notices is his father's warm embrace catching him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

2:55 PM

“You don't have to go back if you don't want to. But, Haechan, she looked devastated. You should at least call her to let her know you're okay… She thinks your dead” 

After Jaehyun had told Donghyuck about the news segment the younger boy started hyperventilating and crying. The boy had only stopped moments prior and Jaehyun was trying to keep him calm while also addressing the situation.

“Jaehyun… You don't get it. She doesn't care about me. She never has. And she never will” The young boy sniffles.

“Haechan. I do get it. I haven't gone through half of what youve had to go through. But my parents are no walk in the park. Ever since I was young they've pitted me and my little brother against one another. But, all they cared about was our perception by their colleagues and friends. They've never cared about me. I got into a car accident when I was 19. I had to get surgery because my spleen ruptured. My parents never came to see me. They sent one of our maids over to tell me that they would cover the costs. Like your brother. The moment I could get out of that hellhole I did. I may not have gone through what you went through. But my parents would never try that hard to reach out to me. If i were you they wouldve tried to cover up my suicide and make sure none of their friends found out. Your mom. She was genuine and this was her olive branch. I can't make you call her. But i really think you should”

“Fine” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

3:45 PM

“So… we're just going to pretend like nothing is weird about this” Doyoung looked from the road to the passenger seat where his boyfriend, Taeyong, is sitting.

“What's weird about this?” 

“We’ve been friends for 3 years and dating for 2. How didn't I know you have a brother?” Taeyong obviously wasn't pleased by Doyoung playing dumb. 

“You know my family is a sensitive topic” Doyoung just sighs.

“How old is he?” Taeyong asks.

“18” 

“He seemed… really sad on the phone” Taeyong frowned.

“Like I said. Our parents are not fun to deal with”

“It’s sad that he has to deal with them alone” Doyoung knows that Taeyong isn't trying to make him feel guilty about leaving. But, how can he not. He left his little brother alone. And the worst part is Doyoung thinks he'd make the same decision again. 

“He's not alone” Doyoung speaks in a tone that says ‘this conversation is over’. But, Donghyuck  _ isn't _ alone. He has Mark. When Doyoung left he had the smallest bit of comfort knowing that Donghyuck had a friend who would always look out for him. Donghyuck isn't alone. 

The rest of the drive is silent. Doyoung lets out a shaky breath as he pulls up outside of his childhood home.

“I'm just going to grab the letter and be right back and we can leave” DOyoung says as he notices Taeyong undoing his seatbelt. Taeyong looks at him incredulously.

“You're not even going to say hi to your brother? I want to meet him” Taeyong huffs but puts his seatbelt back on when Doyoung shakes his head.

Doyoung walks up to the door and lifts the mat and their ws the letter as promised. What was unexpected was the door swinging open leaving Doyoung face to face with his mother. A woman he hasn't seen for more than a moment since he was 18. 

“Doie” She whispers before throwing her arms around the man. Doyoung immediately backs out of her grasp. 

“Mom. I was just grabbing this. I'm leaving” Doyoung doesn't give her a chance to respond turning on his heels and walking back to the car. Taeyong looks obviously concerned in the window.

“Doyoung wait. Have you heard from Donghyuck?” His mother grabs his arm but he rips it out and continues walking ignoring the woman who birthed him. But just as his hand grasps the door she speaks again.

“I think he's dead” Doyoung freezes. His eyes shoot up to meet his mother's tear filled ones. 

“What do you mean?” He asks. Not able to comprehend what she could possibly be suggesting.

“Read your letter” She whispers. So he does.

_ Dear Doyoung, _

_ Hi, Doyoung, it's Donghyuck. _

_ I'm writing this on Friday December 20th. I had a really bad day today. Mark and I fought. We are not friends anymore. Renjun and the rest of them are with him so I'm alone.  _

_ You are the only person I have left. And, even if you are in a different city, I know we’ll always be connected. I love you.  _

_ I'm sorry if this letter is short. I don't have anything to say besides I love you and I'm sorry. Because now I'm leaving you alone. I hope now that i'm out of your way you can officially cut ties with mom and dad and move on with your life. You deserve it.  _

_ And I know how much you hate it when I'm vague. So, when you come to pick up this letter I'll probably be dead. I don't have a lot of belongings but anything of mine is free for yours to take. Please throw out anything you don't. I don't want dad to have it. _

_ Love, _

_ Donghyuck _

“Doyoung” Doyoung looked up to see his mother's hand wrapped around his wrist. She reached up to wipe tears away that he hadn't noticed had been falling.

“This is your fault” He spits pushing her hands away from his face.

“Doyoung? Mrs. Lee? Have you heard from him?” Doyoung turned around to see the last person he wanted to see approaching him. Mark Lee.

Doyoung walked up from him and didn't waste a second in swinging. He fist connects with Mark's cheek. 

“Fuck you, Mark Lee” He screams and right when hes about to fall to the ground on top of him he feels arms pulling him back. He prepares to turn around and start yelling at his mother too, but it's Taeyong.

“Shh Doyoung, it's okay… It's okay” He hugs the taller and lets them both fall. Doyoung sobbing as he feels his lovers embrace. 

“Mark, are you okay?” Doyoung’s mother helps the youngest up.

“Yeah. I deserved that” He mutters rubbing his face where he was hit.

“Damn right you did” Doyoung spits. 

“Doyoung settle down” Taeyong whispers while rubbing his back.

“No. I can't. My brother is probably dead. And it's their fault”

“It's Donghyuck” Everyone stopped their fighting as Doyoung mother uttered those words looking at her phone with blown eyes.

“Well… Pick up!” he yells

“What if they're calling because they found his body?” She starts crying. He runs up to her and grabs the phone presses answer and holds it to his ear.

“Donghyuck?” Doyoung desperately asks. Taeyong is holding tightly onto his hand. Mark is standing there with tears in his eyes. And his mother is on her knees praying. 

“Do… Doyoung?” The small voice questions.

“Donghyuck OH my god! Thank god you're okay. DOnghyuck where are you? Are you hurt? Donghyuck oh my god” Doyoungs knees buckle from under his weight. His mother starts crying loudly at his words, this time out of relief.

“Im… Im okay im not hurt… I didn't follow through. A stranger saved me. I'm with him. Im- Im so sorry” Donghyuck stutters.

“Don't be sorry i'm just glad you're okay” Doyoung’s mother grabs the phone from Doyoung’s hand. He wants to snap at her but Taeyong pulls him into a comforting hug.

“Donghyuck. Oh Donghyuck is it really you? I'M so sorry. I was such a horrible mother. I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. I'm going to divorce your father. You'll never have to see that bastard again in your life. And I'm going to buy us a home, and I'm going to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday. And were going to watch movies and have game nights. I'm going to give you the family you deserve. I love you so much, Hyuckie” Doyoung watches in shock as his mother says words she's never said before. She resembles a woman he hasn't seen since before Donghyuck was born. 

“Oh Hyuckie. Please come home to me” She finishes.

“Mom… I- I can't. Not yet. I'm sorry. I just called to let you know. Im okay. I- I’m alive. But i can't come home yet im sorry” Donghyuck apologizes before hanging up the phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The notes arent exactly what i wanted, i struggled a lot with them. I think a lot of people were expecting them to be 13 reasons why-like and be accusatory and outline everyway the person has wrong hyuck but I dont picture hyuck that way. I imagine hed shoulder all the blame and worry more about the people that hurt him then himself. 
> 
> I also hope you all forgave the characters who hurt hyuck. They do care about him. they are remorseful. They made a mistake as all people do, and actions have consequences.
> 
> Part 3 will feature a reunion between Hyuck and Mark, renjun, jeno, jaemin, and his mother. Also a final mystery character will be added. Guess who ;)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is part 3 and the final part. I cant begin to express how thankful i am for everyones supprot so far. Please kudo and leave a comment. I respond to all comments. They make me so happy and i just love to get peoples thoughts on my work.

“Oh Hyuckie. Please come home to me” She finishes.

“Mom… I- I can't. Not yet. I'm sorry. I just called to let you know. Im okay. I- I’m alive. But i can't come home yet im sorry” Donghyuck apologizes before hanging up the phone

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Donghyuck threw his phone onto the coffee table after hanging up. His eyes were wide and he was breathing heavily.

“Hey… this is good right?” Jaehyun moves over to be closer to younger.

“It's not great timing. I mean you're 18 and it took you nearly dying but… she wants to be a real mother. Even if she does fall into her ways again… at least you won't have to worry about your father… and you’ll still have your brother… and me” Jaehyun trails off concerned by the silence from the often talkative boy.

“What's the point? She just feels pitiful. They all just feel pitiful. You are just pitying me. You all feel bad that I have a shitty life and wanted to end it. And once you all know I'm okay and not going to off myself you're all going to remember how annoying and how much of a nuisance I am. And I'll be all alone again. The only difference is my dad won't be around” Donghyuck wipes his tears away angrily.

“No. That's not true. I've only known you for less than 24 hours, but you are nothing but a pleasure to be around. Everyone from Joohyun the cashier to my mail man thought you were charming and seemed like a good person. Your family and friends' lives are richer with you in them, Donghyuck” Donghyuck shivers at the sound of his real name on Jaehyun’s tongue.

“Those are strangers. YOU are a stranger, Jaehyun. You don't know me. At least not really. Mark and Doyoung know everything there is to know about me and they still left me. And i can't blame them”

“Yes you can. You absolutely can blame them. That's horrible. The things they, particularly mark and renjun, said about you were horrible and they should be held accountable. They don't deserve you in their lives. I'm sure they regret their words now that they understand what they did to you”

“You don't know that…”

“No… I don't know that. But you can. You should talk to them. And your mother and Doyoung. Take all the time you need before you do. But, just… promise me, that you’ll listen to their words and believe them when they tell you that you are amazing” Jaehyun was gripping Donghyucks hands hard, but not so hard that it hurt. He looked at the younger with so much passion in his eyes. Donghyuck couldn't bare to see them turn sad, so he nodded and giggled as Jaehyun pulled him in for a hug.

They spent the rest of the day cuddled up on the couch watching Jaehyun's favourite american christmas movies. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Monday December 23rd

“Hey Hyuckie” Donghyuck looked up from his book he was reading in his favorite spot in Jaehyuns apartment (besides Jaehyun's arms) the window sill to the kitchen where Jaehyun was washing the dishes they used to eat dinner that evening.

“Yes Hyung” Donghyuck placed his book down and walked over to a stool at the kitchen island counter and had a seat. 

“Remember how i told you my parents… aren't.... Amazing to be around” Jaehyun says the words carefully to gage Donghyuck’s reaction over the topic of family. When he doesn't seem bothered Jaehyun continues.

“Well they're even worse during the holidays, which is why I didn't end up going there. I told them I was busy with finals and they cared more about my school than seeing me so they didnt question it. But that's not the point. My little brother, Jisung, was going to come over for dinner and spend the night on christmas eve and then leave after breakfast on christmas to try and get out of the house. If you don't feel comfortable i can just tell him-”

“-No! No. Absolutely don't make your brother stay home on my account it's perfectly fine. Its fine” Jaehyun looks hesitant for a moment but agrees.

“Thank you…” He smiles at the younger now stuffing his cheeks with some little candies left out on the counter.

“Don't thank me. It's fine… Do you want me to sleep on the couch that night? Or…” Donghyuck trails off

“No. No. Absolutely not. You stay in Sicheng’s room. He can sleep in my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch” 

“End of discussion. No guest in my home is going to sleep on the couch” Jaehyun finalizes before Donghyuck has a chance to retaliate. He settles down but it doesn't seem like it'll be the last Jaehyun hears about it. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Tuesday, December 24th 

“Jisung should be here in 10 minutes” Jaehyun mumbles into the back of Donghyuck’s neck. They were currently cuddled up on Jaehyun's bed and working their way through the second season of Jersey Shore on his laptop. It was god awful but entertaining to watch nonetheless. 

“Okay…” Donghyuck was nervous. Over the last couple of days he'd come to really like Jaehyun. Maybe even too much. And the idea that someone so important to Jaehyun might not like or think he's weird was very prevalent in his mind. Almost like he senses something is wrong Jaehyun presses his lips against Donghyuck’s neck before whispering.

“It's going to be fine. He's going to like you. He seemed excited to meet you on the phone” 

“What exactly did you tell him about me?” Donghyuck asks, somehow feeling even more insecure.

“That you are a friend going through a rough time with his family so you’re staying with me for the holidays. He and I share the same parents so don't forget he's empathetic to this kind of stuff” Donghyuck lets out a breath of relief, glad that Jisungs first impression of Hyuck wouldn't be ‘suicidal kid his brother had to physically pull off the edge’. 

“Okay…” As the episode ends Jaehyun closes the computer and rolls over on his bead groaning, putting some distance between the two. Not much but more than there usually was.

“Hey what school do you go to again? Wouldn't it be crazy if it was the same one as my brother” Jaehyun chuckles.

“I go to-” Donghyuck is cut off by a doorbell signalling the brothers arrival. Jaehyun gets up and tries to mask his excitement as he walks out of the room and towards the front door but he doesn't do a good job. 

Donghyuck waits peaking over the wall separating the kitchen from the entrance area so that he would be barely visible to someone at the door and make a quick escape if necessary but still see the scene. 

Jaehyun swings open the door to reveal a tall (not as tall as Jaehyun but a good amount taller then Hyuck) and Donghyuck doesn't get a good look at his face as Jaehyun quickly embraces the younger and his big build blocks the younger's face.

Jaehyun begins murmuring in his brother's ear. Donghyuck can't make out what he says but it makes the younger groan in embarrassment before he finally pushes the larger away from his body making eye contact with Donghyuck for the first time. 

Donghyuck’s breath gets caught in his throat as he finally sees the face. Jisung also looks shocked and taken aback once they meet eyes. 

JIsung was one of Na Jaemin’s friends. He was the very one that saw Donghyuck in a moment of weakness on their final day at school in the locker room. While Jisung never hurt or really acknowledged Donghyuck, the smallest couldn't help but immediately feel cornered. So he does what anyone would do. He runs and locks himself in the bathroom

Jaehyun, who had not noticed the shock in the room, none the wiser to what just happened looked to Jisung in curiosity who still looked shocked but confusion was seeping into his features now too.

“That's your friend?” Jisung finally asks, swinging his bag onto Jaehyun's counter.

“Do you know him?” Jaehyuns asks back. Jisung sighs before continuing.

“Yeah he goes to my school” Jisung answers vaguely, looking off the bathroom in which Donghyuck was locked.

“Is that all?” There was clearly more to the situation if it made that poor boy lock himself in a bathroom.

“We literally never once had a conversation, Hyung”

Jaehyun looked back and forth unsure of what to do before walking over the bathroom and lightly knocking on the door.

“Are you okay, Hyuckie?” He asks lightly, listening for any response at all. All he gets is a sniffle. Jaehyun frowns.

“Unlock the door. You don't have to come out but let me in” Jaehyun was expecting more silence but was pleasantly surprised at hearing the door unlock.

Jaehyun spared Jisung one last painful smile before entering the room. Donghyuck sat with his back against the bathtub and knees pulled into his chest. He had a couple tears streaming down his face but he didn't seem _ too _ distraught which was a beacon of hope for Jaehyun who joined him on the floor. 

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks stupidly.

“Sort of. I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause a scene. I just wasn't prepared to see anyone from my school. I hadn't thought about… my friends since… in a while. And he reminded me of them” Jaehyun let out a sigh of relief that Donghyuck was scared of Jisung per say. 

“Why's that?”

“You know Mark? Well Jisung is friends with Mark’s boyfriend, Jaemin. Not someone I had particularly fond interactions with” the smaller boy wipes away the last of his tears laying his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Okay… is everything going to be alright while he's here?” Jaehyun asks, unsure of how to help the younger. Whenever the boy smiles he has stars in his eyes. Jaehyun would do anything to see the stars.

“Actually… Can I talk to him… alone?” Jaehyun's eyebrows shot up. He wasn't expecting that. 

“Okay. Yeah sure. You can go out there and talk to him and I’ll just wait in here and… wash my hands” Donghyuck smiled back gratefully before leaving the elder alone in the bathroom.

“Jisung” Donghyuck called out quietly to gain the attention of the boy who was sitting scrolling through his phone eating an apple.

“Hey…” Jisung replies and moves over so Donghyuck can join him. Donghyuck sits on the couch leaving some room between the two.

“Hi,” Donghyuck says before an uncomfortable silence falls over them.

“How are you?” JIsung asks

“Jaehyun said your family was having problems” He continues when Donghyuck hasn't replied.

“Im… not the best. But better i guess. Has Jaemin said anything about me?” Donghyuck asks and prepares for the worst.

“Not since Friday…” They shared a look recalling what Jaemin had said in the locker room on friday.

“I'm sorry” Jisung finally says. Donghyuck looks up in confusion.

“For what?” Donghyuck had no clue what Jisung had to apologize for.

“For… well for… for not sticking up for you. For just letting them say that and then just leaving you there when you clearly needed someone. What they- What Jaemin said was not okay and someone should have told him what an inconsiderate ass he was being. And then I saw you and… I'm sorry” tears started falling from the younger's eyes during his apology and without thinking Donghyuck embraced him. He rubbed his back and whispered ‘it's okay’ as the young boy started crying harder. 

They sat there for probably 15 minutes just hugging while JIsung calmed down before Jaehyun slowly opened the door.

“It's okay if you guys need more time to… talk, but I'm just going to grab my switch quickly. Sorry for interrupting” 

“No it's fine. We're good” Donghyuck laughs patting Jisung on the back.

The rest of the evening goes swimmingly. JIsung doesn't treat Donghyuck like all the rumours he's definitely heard. He treats him like a person. Like a good person. Someone who matters. He even confides in Donghyuck that he actually has a secret boyfriend named Chenle. Someone whom Donghyuck had seen around school with an incredibly loud laugh and bright red hair. And not even Jaehyun knows about this.

However, at approximately 10 before midnight Donghyuck finds himself tossing and turning unable to fall asleep. He ultimately decides to get up and go see if Jaehyun is still awake.

Donghyuck smiled fondly as he saw the man who stands so tall and confident look so small and childish as he's wrapped up in a fluffy blanket, tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth as he concentrates on his Nintendo switch. When Donghyuck gets closer he sees that Jaehyun was actually playing animal crossing, but puts it down when he notices Donghyuck's presence.

“Hey” He smiles nicely.

“Why are you still up?” Jaehyun asks and opens his arms for Donghyuck to sit on his lap. Donghyuck complies.

“Every year since we were 9 Mark and I would have a sleepover on christmas eve. We would stay up so we could wish each other a merry christmas the moment the clock struck midnight” Donghyuck reminisces. He internally hits himself for wondering what Marks up to. He's with Jaehyun and Jaehyun cares for him and is there for him. That's what Donghyuck deserves. He knows that now. But Mark… was Mark. There wasn't anyone else quite like Mark.

“Well we will just have to start our own christmas tradition won't we?” Jaehyun places Donghyuck to the side before getting up. He walks over to his speakers and plugs in his phone and plays some song that Donghyuck doesn't recognize quietly.

“You're putting me on the spot so I can't come up with anything to inventive but how about dancing as the clock switches over” Jaehyun holds his hand out in front of Donghyuck before pulling him up and into a dancing position. Donghyuck lays his head on the olders chest as they sway to the music.

“Thank you Jaehyun. For everything. I think i'm going to call my mom tomorrow” Jaehyun hums in reply and rubs Donghyuck back comfortingly.

“If you want me there. I'll be there. If not. I'll give you space”

“I want you there”

Donghyuck watches as the clock struck midnight and pulled away. He looks up at Jaehyun through his eyelashes before going in for one final hug. When he pulls away from that he looks to Jaehyun's makeshift bed on the couch.

“You know… you don't have to… sleep on the couch… if you want you could sleep with… I mean only if you're comfortable. I'm just letting you know if that’s something you'd like i'm okay with it, but… actually forget i asked never mind” Donghyuck turned away blushing.

“Do I have to forget? Because I'd like to take you up on that offer” Donghyuck turned to look at Jaehyun half expecting him to laugh and say he's joking but he looks sincere and he's holding out his hand. 

Donghyuck accepts his hand and follows as Jaehyun pulls him to the bedroom. Wordlessly get into bed together and cuddle the night away. Neither boy remembers the last time they slept comfortably.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Wednesday December 25

10:45 AM

“Hyung'' Jaehyun groans and moves closer to the soft head of hair his face was currently pressed up against. But feeling hands shaking his arm he opens his eys to see Jisung packed and ready to leave.

“Oh shit what time is it?” Jaehyun asks, rubbing his eyes. Remaining quiet as to not wake the sleeping boy by his side. Every night since Donghyuck got here he had been awake before 7. The kid deserved some sleep.

“Almost 11. I'm getting picked up soon” Jisung whispers. Jaehyun motions for him to leave the room and that he’ll get up. Jisung leaves. Jahyun looks down at the small precious boy. 

Jaehyun, without thinking, leans down and presses a kiss on the younger's forehead.

“Merry Christmas Baby”

Jaehyun joined Jisung at the island and hugged his little brother.

“Merry Christmas, Jisungie” 

“Merry Christmas, Hyung” JIsung replies.

“Sorry I didn't get up sooner to make you a christmas breakfast” Jisung waves off Jaehyun apology and smirks.

“It's okay. I didn't want to wake you when you looked so peaceful” Jaehyun rolls his eyes as Jisung snickers.

“Listen Hyung. About Donghyuck… I really like him. And I'm glad you're taking care of him. He deserves someone like you, you know. BUt… be careful. In terms of what people say about him at school…”

“Jisung” Jaehyun says warningly, feeling wildly protective over the boy in his bed.

“Hyung... hear me out… I don't believe things people say until I see for myself. But, this thing was sort of impossible to miss. I'm not sure if he's talked much about Mark. But… they were very close. And, Jaemin, Mark's boyfriend, was very adamant that they were a little closer than friends should be… They were attached to the hip before Jaemin came into things…”

“What are you getting at, Jisung?” Jaehyun has a feeling of what Jisung is getting at, but he wants to hear him say it.

“I just don't want you getting involved and falling for someone who is emotionally unavailable... that's all. I just don't want you to get hurt” Jaehyun sighs before taking the younger into a final hug.

“I'm going to be fine Jisungie. Don't worry about me. Okay… Call me if mom or dad get on your case okay. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself” Jisung rolls his eyes but returns the hug and the sentiment before leaving Jaehyun and the sleeping boy alone in the apartment.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun and Donghyuck were currently sat sides flushed against each other just enjoying each other's company after breakfast when the topic of Donghyuck calling his mother came up.

“Yeah… I… I had a good day today. And the last couple days even… and just… I’m ready to deal with the situation… It'd be better to do it when I can still run back to you rather than when I'm forced to approach everyone when school starts back up” Donghyuck was fiddling with his thumbs.

“Okay… When do you want to call?” the look in Donghyuck’s eyes was answer enough and the elder stood up to go retrieve his charging phone on the other side of the room before returning and handing the phone to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck held down the power button to start his phone and sighed nervously as the apple symbol came up. Once the one was completely on several notifications came up. Most were from Mark and Doyoung. A lot were from Renjun. A few from Jeno (but they were basically essays). And even one from Jaemin. Donghyuck ignored them all and opened the phone app to call his mother. He put it on speaker before placing it on the couch between him and Jaehyun.

It only rings twice before his mother's nervous voice cuts through the room.

“Hello? Donghyuck?” 

“Hey Mom…” The boy whispers back.

“Merry Christmas Hyuc- Donghyuck. I- I… I love you” Donghyuck sucks in a sharp breath at her words. His grip on Jaehyun's hand tightens. 

“Yeah I- Merry Christmas…” 

There is silence in reply the only sound is the woman's deep breathing.

“So… Why are you calling?... I'm glad you are… Just… Is there anything I can do for you? Do… you want to come home? I kicked your father out. He's staying with his brother until we properly get the divorce settled” 

“No… I mean that's great, but… I'm not coming home not yet. But maybe… I can come by… see you? Has Doyoung left yet?”

“I don't think he's leaving until he sees you in one piece and knows you're okay. He and his boyfriend got a hotel nearby… I would love to see you. I'm sure Doyoung would too. Maybe for dinner?” Donghyuck looks up at Jaehyun for confirmation. Jaehyun nods and smiles.

“Yeah that sounds good… Can I bring Jaehyun? He’s… The guy I'm staying with” Jaehyun's heart flutters at the fact that DOnghyuck wants him there when he confronts his family. 

“Yes. Of course. I would love to meet him… How does 6 o'clock sound?” 

“That's good. See you then”

“See you… Love you…” Donghyuck mutters a ‘mhmm’ in reply before hanging up and falling back onto the couch dramatically. 

“You did great, bub” Jaehyun whispers in his ear while ruffling his hair.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“Okay Hyuck you ready” Jaehyun opened the bedroom door to see Donghyuck dressed in Jaehyun's absolute smallest clothes (they are still huge on him) and sat on the bed gnawing at his fingernails. He looks up and meets Jaehyun's eyes and the poor boy looks petrified. Jaehyun's heart breaks. 

“Hyuck… We can still cancel if you want. I'm sure everyone would understand” Jaehyun just wants to take the boy into his arms and protect him from everything forever.

“No Jae… i mean Hyung. I'm ready. I can do this… I  _ want _ to do this today”

“Okay let's head out then” Donghyuck nods and grabs Jaehyun's hand as they exit the apartment together linked by the hand until it's time for Jaehyun to adjust the mirrors in his car.

The drive is silent. The only noise coming from Jaehyun's phone telling him which turns to make. Jaehyun can feel the anxiety radiating off of Donghyuck, but the younger one has been clear and determined. Nothing is going to hold him back. 

When Jaehyun finally pulls up in front of the small home he gives Donghyuck one final look as if saying ‘we can still turn back and just cuddle and watch jersey shore today’ but Donghyuck opens the door and walks with confidence to the front of the house. Jaehyun follows suit.

When Donghyuck is not even 1 foot away from the door it bursts open showing a middle aged woman who strongly resembles Donghyuck. She goes in for a hug but immediately retreats when Donghyuck flinches back. She then gives the two boys a pained smile.

“Donghyuck. I'm so glad to see you… Merry Christmas. And you must be Jaehyun. Thank you for taking such good care of my son” She reaches out to shake Jaehyuns hand before opening the door wider.

The two boys walked in, discarded their shoes and when they entered the family room there were two other men who looked just a little bit older than Jaehyun. One was very striking and pretty with sharp angular features and hair that is half white and half red and resembled an anime character. While the other was taller and looked like a bunny. He didn't look much like Donghyuck (certainly not like his mother had) but he had a very similar aura in the way he held himself so Jaehyun assumed that he was Doyoung.

Jaehyun was able to confirm his assumptions as the taller man immediately ran up to Donghyuck and hugged him. Donghyuck didn't seem to flinch like he had with his mother but he still looked taken aback. Doyoung begins whispering in Donghyuck’s ear. The entire scene seems very emotional so Jaehyun looks away to give them so privacy. He makes eye contact with the todoroki doppelganger and smiles politely.

“Hi im Taeyong, Doyoung’s boyfriend” He shakes hands with him.

“Hi I’m Jaehyun” 

After the introduction the two just stand awkwardly together waiting for the brothers to finish their moment. 

Jaehyun looked around the house. It was… nice. It was clear that Donghyuck’s family was neither affluent nor broke but they seemed to be comfortable. Although the home seems very cold almost as if there isn't a family living there. There are no pictures up or anything really that doesn't look like it came straight out of an ikea catalogue.

Jaehyun is brought back to attention when Donghyuck pulls on his sleeve. He looks down to see Donghyuck with some tear tracks on his face but a soft smile on his face.

“Hey how'd it go? You don't have to tell me. But if you want to you can” 

Donghyuck opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by his mother entering the room.

“Doyoung, Taeyong can you boys please help me set the table?” The three then exit the room and head to the dining room.

“It went… good. He apologized. And cried. And… I guess he just mostly apologized and cried. Ummm. Yeah he just said he was sorry for leaving. But i can't really blame him. He had no reason to think I was alone I guess. So i forgave him but then he got mad and told me I shouldn't be forgiving anyone that easily. And then… he said that he and Taeyong are looking for an apartment in the city. Doie said he wasn't going to leave me again and Taeyong works out of the city and Doyoung said the drive to his college campus isn't too far. So… he told me if I wanted to... I could live with them. If i didn't want to live with my mom” 

“That's… really nice of him. Do you know what you're going to do?”

“I… I don't want to intrude. Like he and Taeyong are young and I doubt they want some teenager living with them. Doyoung is like the most responsible person i know, but that doesn't mean he should be responsible for me. But, i'm scared to live with my mom. What if it just goes back to the way it was when the guilt fades away. I don't know if i would be able to handle it again” Jaehyun grips Donghyuck’s hands. He wants to take away all his fear and pain. He's never felt this way before.

“I can't speak for Doyoung and Taeyong but… they wouldn't offer if they didn't think that they'd be able to provide a happy and comfortable environment for all three of you. But, you don't need to be scared of making the wrong decision. If you want to try and take your mom up on her offer and she does become distant, I'm sure Doyoung and Taeyong would take you in. And don't forget. You will always have a place with me. Things will never go back to the way they were because you'll never be alone again. I'll make sure of that” Donghyuck tears up and hugs Jaehyun. 

“Thank you Jaehyun”

“No problem Hyuck”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“No. You kids go sit down, I can handle this mess” Donghyucks mother shoos the boys out of the dining room and back into the living room. 

The dinner had been extremely pleasant. Donghyuck and Taeyong were beginning to get along really well and while Doyoung seemed skeptical of Jaehyun he seemed to be warming up to him.

They had gotten a deck of cards and were in the middle of a game of crazy 8s when the home phone rang.

“I'll go get it” Doyoung gets up and dusts his pants off before walking over and picking up the phone.

“Hello”

“Oh… it's you… give me one reason why i shouldn't hang up” The three boys immediately snapped over to Doyoung, his suddenly hostile tone paralyzing the room. The person on the phone seems to say something that calms Doyoung a little because he untenses and doesnt hang up.

“Donghyuck… its Mark” Doyoung says the name like its acid in his mouth.

Donghyuck’s eyes widen comically. Jaehyun can't help but feel a sour feeling in his gut as he remembers Jisungs warning about Mark. But he immediately yells at himself as now is not the time to be selfish over who is or isn't important to Donghyuck.

“Okay…” Donghyuck walks over to Doyoung and takes the phone. He takes a deep sigh and spares one final look towards Jaehyun. When he sees the warm comforting smile on the handsome boy's face he feels a surge of confidence and he finally holds the phone up to his ear.

“Mark…” 

“Donghyuck…” Mark's voice breaks halfway through and Donghyuck’s breath catches in his throat at how utterly devastated the boy sounds.

When Donghyuck doesn't respond Mark continues.

“I'm so so so sorry, Donghyuck. I dont… I cant… you were… you  _ ARE _ one of the most important people in the world to me and I hurt you. And I can never take that back. When I read your letter it felt like the world stopped, Donghyuck. There was a moment there after i read it that i just… wanted to be with you and i was willing to do anything to be with you. Anything, Donghyuck. I didn't want to live in a world where you weren't there every morning to walk with me to school or laugh at me when I trip or dance with me in the rain. I felt lost. And I'm not trying to guilt you into accepting my apology. You shouldnt accept my apology. I don't deserve it. I don't know what i need to do in order to earn your forgiveness but i'll do whatever it takes because… I love you Donghyuck. I care about you” 

Donghyuck had cried so much in the few days and a week ago these words would have made him sob until he couldn't breathe but… He just feels numb. Numb isn't the right word. Because his heart breaks at Marks words but it doesn't make him feel the way he would have before. Because he doesn't forgive Mark. Not yet. Maybe not ever. 

“Okay Mark… Im okay. Im… the best i've been in a long long time. But youre right. I don't forgive you. And to be completely honest I will likely forgive Renjun and Jeno and Doyoung but you… I put so much trust in you and I don't think I'll ever fully recover from how badly you hurt me. I care about you to Mark. And I'm not saying I don't want you in my life anymore, but I need some time. And we'll  _ never _ be what we used to be. Take care of yourself Mark. Thanks for calling” Donghyuck feels empowered by his words. The personal growth he's made in the last couple days has been exceptional. 

Mark lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay, Donghyuck I understand. I'm glad- I'm thrilled that you're okay. I will be here when you're ready. Bye Donghyuck”

“Bye”

Donghyuck places the phone down and turns around. Doyoung and Taeyong seemed to have started a game of go fish, and Jaehyun was just watching Donghyuck with a fond smile on his face. He looked proud. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Tuesday December 31st

It was ending the last few days of holidays before school started back up again. Donghyuck had been staying at Jaehyuns house but his mom had bought an apartment for the two to live in and was in the process of selling their old house. Just yesterday Jaehyun had helped Donghyuck move his stuff to the new place. Also, Jisung had been spending a lot of time at Jaehyun's home so Donghyuck had gotten much closer to him and even got to hang out with his boyfriend, Chenle a few times.

Donghyuck was currently at a small gathering with a bunch of people from school for new years eve. It was only the second time Donghyuck would be seeing Jeno and Renjun in person. The day after Christmas Donghyuck went to see them because they desperately wanted to apologize. Donghyuck essentially forgave them but said it'll take a while to rebuild trust. Donghyuck had yet to see Mark in person after their phone call, and had only talked to Jaemin once on the phone when he wanted to apologize. 

The gathering was hosted at Marks house so this would be the first time he'd see him in person. It also meant that Jaemin was likely not coming as the two had broken up only a few days prior. Donghyuck is not sure why but cant help but feel like he was part of the reason. 

Jaehyun had picked up a shift at the grocery store so he wasn't at the gathering but he was supposed to arrive at 11 where Donghyuck would introduce him to Renjun and Jeno (and maybe Mark).

Currently, Donghyuck is sitting between Renjun and Jisung as they play cards against humanity. He was having a really good time. This is the first time Donghyuck felt happy and comfortable without Jaehyun one foot away from him in months. 

Jeno ends up winning the game and goes on a rant about how people always say he's not funny but here he is when Donghyuck makes eye contact with Mark across the room. Mark smiles and waves. Donghyuck tells Jisung he's getting a drink (non-alcoholic ofc Marks parents are upstairs) and makes his way to Mark.

“Hey. This party is fun. How'd you get your parents to agree?” Donghyuck asks once he's beside Mark. 

“Honestly, they only agreed because Doyoung agreed to chaperone,” Mark said, nodding his head to the other side of the room where Donghyucks brother sat mindlessly scrolling on his phone looking miserable.

Once Doyoung found out that Donghyuck wasn't forgiving Mark (at least not easily) and he saw just how remorseful Mark was he decided that he could go easy on Mark. Donghyuck was grateful for that. As hurt as he was by the boy he still wanted the best for Mark.

“Yeah… How are you doing, Mark? I heard about you and Jaemin” Mark cringes when Donghyuck brings it up but waves it off when Donghyuck attempts to apologize and change the topic.

“Im fine. It was for the best. I don't think we were that good of a couple. We sort of brought out the worst in one another” That surprised Donghyuck. They always looked so happy to him. But you never know what happens behind closed doors. The conversation dies off and leave the two boys in silence.

“Donghyuck..?-”

“-Mark…?”

The both laugh at the fact that they started talking at the same time.

“You go first” Donghyuck smiles at Mark.

“I just wanted to… apologize. In person. I… I was a dick. And I'm a really shitty friend. And I didn't just hurt anyone. I hurt you. And I knew how much you relied on me but I still did what I did. And i will truly never forgive myself for that” Donghyuck looks down not wanting the serious turn of their conversation to bring down his mood

“Mark… yes you hurt me. But before these last couple months, you were the most amazing friend I ever could have had. I was on the edge for so long. I didn't just have one fight with you and decided I didn't want to live anymore. You were the reason i hadn't done anything much much earlier and that's way too much pressure to put on a teenager. So… it's okay. What you did wasn't. But, we're okay… This doesn't mean I forgive you or that I trust you even half as much as I used to. But I want you in my life” Mark tears up at Donghyuck’s words.

“Can i hug you?” Mark asks,

“Yeah”

Mark embraces Donghyuck tightly and stays like that for a moment before letting go. 

They pull away but Donghyuck stays by Mark's side observing their friends in a comfortable silence. Mark cant help but look over at the boy. He looked so much better than the last time he saw him. He didn't have swollen eyes from crying or eyebags from lack of sleep and most of all he had a light, but beautiful smile on his face. 

Mark watches as Donghyuck opens his phone and replies to a text. Mark also notices Donghyuck’s lockscreen, what was once a picture of Donghyuck hugging Mark is a picture of him kissing, what Mark assumes is Jaehyun's cheek. For some unknown reason this makes Mark's chest hurt. But he doesn't even consider saying anything about it. 

“Hey, Jaehyun is outside so i'm going to go let him in and introduce him to Renjun and Jeno. It was great talking to you Mark. You should come over so you can meet Jaehyun if you get the chance. He's very important to me” Mark nods and watches as Donghyuck skips through the house.

He watches as Donghyuck opens the door revealing the very handsome man that was indeed on Donghyuck’s lockscreen. Donghyuck hugs the man tightly and Jaehyun lifts him off the ground quickly. Donghyuck then takes his hand and drags him over where Renjun and Jeno are. 

“Ew oh my god what are you doing here?” Jisung complains loudly as Jaehyun is dragged up to the group.

“Shush. I was invited” Jaehyun smirks. JIsung rolls his eyes as he notices some of the boys and girls also playing games looking at Jaehyun with hearts in their eyes. Jaehyun doesn't seem to notice as he’s too busy looking at Donghyuck.

“Jaehyun Hyung this is Renjun and this is Jeno. They are two of my closest friends. Renjun, Jeno and Jaehyun Hyung” Renjun and Jeno both stand up from the game and shake hands with Jaehyun.

Jisung joins them as they head outside to talk. 

Jaehyun meshes in with Donghyuck’s friends really well and it makes Donghyuck’s heart swell.

It doesn't take Renjun and Jeno long to notice the way Jaehyun and Donghyuck interact. They look at one another with so much love in their eyes and they are constantly touching each other. 

This causes the two boys to by uneasy as Mark comes outside. 

“Hey…” Mark waves awkwardly in true Mark fashion.

“Oh Mark hey. Jaehyun this is Mark. Mark this is Jaehyun”

The two boys awkwardly shake hands but the clear tension between the two seems to go right over Donghyuck’s head.

“I've heard a lot about you” Jaehyun directs to Mark once they sit down. Jaehyun also makes a point of wrapping his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulders.

“I've heard a lot about you too. Mostly from Doyoung. But a lot nonetheless”

“Hmmm” The group falls silent after this but the silence is finally broken as Chenle runs outside.

“Jisung! it's 5 minutes to midnight you better get your ass in here. I've spent 16 years having no new years kiss there's no way i'm doing that on my 17th too especially when i have a damn boyfriend” Jisung blushes before he excuses himself and joins Chenle inside.

The rest of the group follows suit. Jaehyun holds Donghyuck behind so that when they get inside they are separated from the group. Donghyuck looks up at him.

“Your friends are really nice. I'm glad you have them” Jaehyun takes a piece of Donghyuck’s hair and pushes it behind his ear. 

“Thank you. I'm glad you like them” Donghyuck is blushing as Jaehyun pulls him closer so their chests are pushed against each other. Jaehyun looked down lovingly into the younger's eyes. Donghyuck audible gulps.

“Have you ever had a new years kiss?” Donghyuck asks quietly.

“Yes. But never someone I really cared about… you?”

“Sort of. Renjun and I had a quick peck when we were 14. Jeno was furious. I care about Renjun but not in that way. And it was barely a kiss. And we screamed like girls afterwards” Jaehyun laughed and any tenseness in Donghyuck's body seemed to go away. Jaehyun looks up as the clock strikes 11:59.

“Do you want a proper New years kiss?” Jaehyun finally asks. The room begins counting down before Donghyuck can answer. He is blushing really hard and his gaze keeps going down to Jaehyun’s lips. Once the count got down to 5 Donghyuck finally got the confidence to nod.

“4”

“3”

“2”

“1”

“Happy New Years”

Jaehyun softly places his lips on the younger's heart shaped ones. The kiss is anything but raunchy. They softly move their lips together. No tongue, no heat, just passion. The kiss doesn't last that long but the two stay in each others embrace for the rest of the night.

This looking to be the best year of Donghyuck’s Life

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

2 Years Later: July 2020

Not long after New Years Jaehyun and Donghyuck started dating. They took things incredibly slow as Donghyuck was still sensitive. Donghyuck’s mother was also quick to get her son in therapy to help him cope with his insecurities and depression brought up from his adolescence. 

The second half of Donghyuck’s senior year goes well. He gets good grades and finally feels happy and confident in his friendships and also begins to hang out with Jisung and Chenle a lot. At the end of the year Donghyuck was ecstatic as he got his acceptance letter from SMU the same school Jaehyun goes to. In the following fall Donghyuck begins his studies for his major in Psychology. He makes plenty of new friends, one of which being Na Jaemin. They both matured a lot after highschool and were actually in the same major. They bonded a lot over their shared classes and Jaemin was now one of Donghyuck’s closest friends. And finally felt happy.

Donghyuck's relationship with his Mother is better than ever before. They spend a lot of time together and she seems to really take their relationship seriously and never distances herself away from him again. The same goes for Doyoung. He and Donghyuck get lunch at least once a week and Donghyuck would often spend weekends at Doyoungs place he shares with Taeyong. 

Donghyuck does drift away from Renjun, Jeno, and Mark slightly as they are in different programs and that's just what happens, but they never allow their friendship to end as the four of them frequently get dinner together and catch up when they all have time. Renjun and Jeno are still dating, and Mark has been in a few different short term relationships since Jaemin but nothing has stuck yet.

In Donghyuck’s second year at DMU he moves in with Jaehyun and he gets his first part time job as a barista at a locally owned cafe. He gets along really well with his coworkers and actually makes really good friends with some of them. Such as the owner Taeil, and his fellow baristas Jungwoo, Johnny, Kunhang, and YangYang.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Donghyuck was cleaning off the tables in the cafe and preparing for closing when the bells on the door chimed signalling that someone had entered the cafe. 

“Sorry we're closed” Donghyuck says without looking up, but gasps as arms wrap around his waist. He turns around to see Jaehyun.  _ His _ Jaehyun.

“Hey you” Donghyuck pecks his boyfriend on the lips.

“I thought you had a night class today” Donghyuck mumbles against his lips.

“It got cancelled so I thought I'd come pick you up from the cafe and walk you home” Jaehyun smiles widely showing off his dimples.

Donghyuck prepares to say something witty and tease him for being so cute, but Donghyuck is just too happy he can't even be a little shit. No matter how much he wants to.

“I love you,” Donghyuck says simply.

“I love you too” Jaehyun grabs Donghyuck’s hands and places them on his shoulder before placing his own hands on the younger hips before swaying.

Donghyuck lies his head on the olders chest and hums as they sway. The couple feel like they are in their own world with no one but each other but that's not true.

Mark stands outside the cafe watches as Donghyuck and Jaehyun slow dance. He had been at the music studio late that night and by the time he finished he realized that Donghyuck should be closing up and maybe Mark could walk him home. The two did not get to spend much time together these days. But Mark watches longingly and a little envious as he shows up too late. He is left wondering what would've happened had he not been such a coward. What would have happened had he revealed that he loved the boy just as much as he once loved Mark instead of throwing himself completely into Jaemin and away from Donghyuck.

Nothing would happen now. Mark was now the one alone. He betrayed the person that means the most to him and now he gets to watch him be happy with another. Mark would never ruin it though. Now he really will never reveal his feelings. Donghyuck is happy with Jaehyun. And that's what Donghyuck deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you if youve read the entire work and enjoyed it. Its unedited so im sorry if theres mistakes in there. Secondly, im so relieved its over oh my god. Thirdly, yeah i dont really have much else to say. I had a lot of fun working on this its the first long 5k+ word piece that i finished so im very proud of myself.
> 
> Thank you all for supporting this. Thank you

**Author's Note:**

> I am literally starting the second part as soon as this is posted so i it should be completed with the next few hours unless i fall asleep. In that case tomorrow latest. Thank you for reading part one.


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